I Stand All Amazed

Wow! It really has been a while since I've written here.

About one hour ago,  I turned in my mission papers. It's crazy to think that I'm going on a mission. I know down deep inside I've always wanted to go but there were always so many thoughts stopping me from going. When I finally realized that I really had to go and wanted to go... it was kind of difficult to tell people. I felt like everyone already knew, everyone knew before I did. I felt like I was the last one to hop on the train going to MY house. I didn't like this idea that everyone knew I was going to serve and for a while this is what stopped me from going. I didn't like the idea that every assumed I was going on a mission before I even mentioned anything about it and during this time I went through my little "rebellious" stage. I look back at what I put my parents through just in those 2-3 months, and I honestly feel horrible. I really can't believe I put my parents through that and put those who love me the most through that. There are so many things that I could look back at and regret doing, but I know there is no point in regretting things in life. At the time it's what I wanted, and I learned from it. My brother always told me to never regret things in life, it's something that I always try to live by. Although everything I did really did cause me a lot of pain, I'm glad I went through it. I know that I wouldn't have learned if it happened any other way. Through all these experiences I have come to love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ more, I have learned the power of repentance. Everyone thinks I'm perfect, everyone holds such high standards for me, but at the end of the day... I'm just like everyone else. Yes I did crap, yes I did things I shouldn't have done, yes I had to repent. But because of those things I feel that I have become a greater person. I have truly felt love from my Heavenly Father, and I know he loves me. " I Stand All Amazed" by Jennifer Marco Handy has been my anchor through these past few months. I really invite everyone to read the lyrics and to really ponder them.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, 

Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.

I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,

That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine

To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine, 

That he should extend his great love unto such as I, 

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

I think of his hand pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!

Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?

No, no I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,

Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet. 

Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me

Enough to die for me!

Oh, it is wonderful wonderful to me 

 

Friendships

So I guess a lot of things have happened. Over the past few months I feel like I've been all over the place. I graduated high school, that was a big change. Everyone always told me your friendships change once you graduate high school. I always thought "well duh... you're friends all went to different colleges or universities, all of my friends are going the same school."  Ya.. little did I know I was completely wrong and everyone else was right. All the friends I had my senior year of high school, I hardly ever talk to now. The only one that has stayed with me is my best friend. Accepting that fact was really hard for me but I knew it had to happen. Now, I only hang out with guys. Although they are a handful, I LOVE hanging out with them. They make me have a little fun in my life. They have helped me soo much. Because of them I have been able to learn so many things and see things in a different perspective. And what I love the most is that they accept me for who I am. I know the Lord put them in my life so that they could help me out and to teach me patience, because trust me.. I need a lot of it with them! :) There's people that I miss in my life but I know everything happens for a reason and I know those who are meant to stay in my life will come back one way or another. I miss my missionary friends but I know they are out preaching and making a difference in so many peoples lives. I know that God loves me and has planned my life out the way he knows is best for me. I am thankful for what he has put me through because I know it has made me 10x stronger. I love my Heavenly Father.

25 Lessons I Learned About Life

1. Everything happens for a reason
2. We are sent to do so something that only we can do
3. You are an example to all those you surround
4. You will never know what’s going to happen
5. Staying true to yourself is what will make you truly happy
6. Don’t rely on others to make you happy
7. Do everything you do because YOU want to do it, not because people tell you to
8. Friends will make you or break you
9. You will only have as many hardships as you can handle
10. You can climb over the highest mountains, as long as you believe
11. The opposite of fear is faith… just have faith
12. You have to learn how to become the person you want to be
13.  There are very few people you can trust in this world, choose wisely
14. Communication is key to everything
15. Although friends are hard to cope with, they are absolutely necessary in life
16. You never know what other people are going through, don’t judge others
17. You will never know unless you ask or try
18. Know who you want to become and constantly work towards it
19. Never give up, there will always be someone cheering for you
20. Listen to those who love you
21. Never say “I can’t”
22. You are capable of reaching every dream you have
23. Hard work will always pay off
24. No matter how badly people treat you, love them
25.  Life is not easy, but it is well worth it

What I have learned

High school is somewhere where you can have fun but it is also somewhere where you learn. It’s somewhere where you have to find your true self to be truly happy. Somewhere that makes you realize everything you didn’t know about yourself. You find friends who help you learn how to cooperate with others, which becomes essential in life. You will find “friends” that may lead you to never want to trust anyone again; and you will find friends that are nearly perfect and become the greatest example you can follow!

 I learned as long as you are truly happy it doesn’t really matter what you are doing. Everyone tells us what’s right from wrong, that we know better, that we need to choose the right things in order to succeed, but honestly; your life is YOURS, others can’t tell you what to do with it. If you want to live your life the way you are living it, go ahead! Feel free! It’s YOUR life; make your choices according to what YOU want.

Wherever life takes you, just know it happens for a reason. We’ve all gone through high school not really knowing what was coming at us. We’ve all had our challenges and we’ve all made it through, for some it was extremely challenging to make it but that’s ok, YOU made it through. High school is hard; it’s a stage where people are confused, but it’s a stage that if done right, it will prepare you for what’s ahead.

 Although there may have been plenty of things that you would have done differently, you have to learn to love it. At the time there was a reason for every little thing you did and didn’t do. Even if high school was a stage in your life that you completely hated, you must learn to love every experience you had, whether good or bad, you grew from every single experience.

Remembering

Over the past couple of years I've had a few friends that were close to me just kind of walk out of my life. Although some were for the better I've been thinking a lot about the "what if's." I know that it happened for the better and I know it would have had to happen sooner or later; but lately I've been looking back at everything that we would do and it just makes me wonder what would have happened if we both would have chosen differently. I look back at the pictures and I remember how much we cared about each other, how we would talk all the time and never get bored, we would laugh all the time and just do random things together, how he would tell me everything that he was feeling, and overall just how natural it felt being around each other. Sometimes I wonder how he's doing, and not just that fake "Oh I'm good" but the actual how he's doing. I honestly really do miss him, but I think more than anything I miss the memories we would create. Even though I would have wanted to stay friends forever, even if it hurt me, I knew it was time to move on. Although I may never know how it would have been like if we would have chosen differently, I know it is a friendship I will never forget because it was a moment in my life in which this friendship was essential and which I learned from.

Ups and Downs

Everyone goes through their up and downs, their high and their lows. For a couple of months  I had been on a spiritual high! Everything was going really well, whenever I had trials and tribulations I would have faith that things would work out, I was very optimistic, I could always feel the spirit, I would whip out a spiritual thought in seconds, I had the greatest desire to serve a mission and everything was just going really well. But a couple of weeks ago out of nowhere I started to feel down in the dumps; things were just not the same. I started getting in a bad mood for no reason even though I tried not to show it, in a way I felt kind of lost. I couldn't whip out any spiritual thoughts to share even on the days I went to the temple and I started not really caring if I went on a mission or not. I didn't know why I was feeling this way but I remember learning about it last year in seminary. Whenever people are on a spiritual high Satan tries as hard as he can to bring them down. I knew Satan was trying to get me down and I knew I had to find a way to stop it because it had already been going on for too long. Today one of my friends, who is preparing to serve a mission, was at my house, I mentioned how I had felt down in the dumps and what had been going on and she said basically what I already knew but a few words stuck with me specifically, she said, " You need to surround yourself with the good things." This is something they always tell us in church and in seminary but I realized I hadn't been doing that. I had been so caught up with the worldly things and all the things I had to get done, that I wasn't feeding my spirit the way I should have been. When I was home a lone I decided to watch a few mormon messages. I spent about 2 hours watching uplifting videos and almost all the ones I watched were about missionaries. It reminded me how much I absolutely LOVE missionaries and it reminded me of when I had that desire to serve my Lord. I realized I have to really ponder and pray about serving a mission because it is such a great opportunity in life to change the lives of others, but I need to know if it is for me. I know whether I serve a mission or not I will have opportunities to do my service to the Lord and I hope and pray that one day I will be able to change lives like the sister missionaries did for me! <3

This video makes me cry! Its overwhelming seeing how many missionaries are going out to different places all over the world to preach the gospel, and to think that all those missionaries will change lives and bring people closer to our Heavenly Father! <3 :')

A few pictures

These are some pictures from last year to this year! :)

Preference Group 2012

Summer Bridge 2012

Summer Bridge 2012

Vegas 2012

Saw the Jabbawockeez

Homecoming Football Game!

Danced at LDS Conference Center :)

My Best Friends!! :P

Love Her!

His Farewell! :)